He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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