so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
