i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
