I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
