oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
