Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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