my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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