Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Drunk is not a location!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
