he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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