I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
