She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
