so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
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If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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