That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
