Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
