wat bout pragnant strippers??
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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