The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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