I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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