She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
