i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
