planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
