did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
