She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize