i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
