Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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