My room smells like vodka and shame
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
