it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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