woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
