you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
