I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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