Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
