We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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