Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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