that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
