So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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