Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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