I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
