I feel like I'm in dance class right now
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wear drunk well.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
