i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
