doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
