What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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