do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Every concussion has its silver lining
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
