Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
