i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
