This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
