I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
