I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
