You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
