Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
