plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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