she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
