Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
