I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
