I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
