I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
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I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
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I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize