I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
