i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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