One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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