My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
