I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
