i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
