There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
