gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
