So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
